Good ways to turn hair silky, and smooth fast?

Tomorrows valentines day, and I wanna look great, all my friends went to the spa today, got brand new clothes, and etc. I need a homade remedie for turning your hair silky, like so I can take a shower and use somthing. I don't want somthing TOO hard, for an example, pour tomato juice over head, then chop up onions and put them on your head, then sprinkle cut up herbs in hair, then use fresh oranges and squirt all over head, add sugar, and leave overnight then the next day go swimming lol, nothing like that :/, please help, want my hair as soft as silk! thanks please help :)